to escape, to feel, to live

For one of my classes, we had to create a short "public service announcement," so I decided to make mine on Carolina Style, one of the dance groups at UNC. During Fall Fest at the beginning of the school year, I ran into my friend Tiffany, my Dance Director in high school (but a senior at CH now), who was promoting the company. After talking to her about it, I knew I wanted to audition. It disappoints me that Carolina doesn't have a solid dance program like other top universities, but from what I could tell from our short conversation, C-Style was her perfect outlet.

The company is divided into three groups (ballet, tap, and jazz), so of course I chose ballet. I learned three pieces last semester, and on Sunday I will perform four. Even though I've been doing C-Style since last September, it's really taken me up until now to realize how much I truly miss dancing all the time. It was such a huge part of my life for such a long time, and it's crazy how just going off to college can change all that. But this week, I think I've taken a new perspective. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to dance with other girls who feel the same way. We all miss taking class each night. We all miss rehearsals for recitals, Nutcracker, pointe shoes, the feeling of accomplishment after a triple pirouette. We miss these things, but I think in a way, it brings us closer. Another one of the seniors, while taking me home last night, told me that some of her best memories from college were from Carolina Style. I hope I can say that too in three years, and I'm looking forward to making the most out of dancing here.

(Video song: Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine)

Nevermind, I'll find

...someone like you,

I wish nothing but the best for you too

Don't forget me, I beg,

I remember you said,

"Sometimes it lasts in love,

but sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nothing compares,

No worries or cares,

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,

Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

crave.

crave: hunger, desire earnestly, seek fervently

As the theme of Campus Crusade's WBR in Wilmington, the word crave has probably summed up the focus of my thoughts and energy for quite a long time.

Here's my list of some past, and current, cravings...

Patience. Meaningful friendships. A solid, godly relationship with a mature guy. Direction. Perfection. A "place" at Carolina. The next step. The ability to stick up for myself. Pursuit of the Lord on a daily basis. Joy. Hope. Wisdom. Community. And most recently, peace and contentment.

Most of these cravings are not sinful in themselves, for God has innately given each of us desires meant for His glory. But problems arise when we become consumed with our cravings, making them turn into idols. I haven't thought about my cravings in this way before, especially since the majority my cravings are inherently good things.

This weekend, I attended two small break-out sessions, one devoted to the balance of friendships and the other about the search for peace. As the seniors shared their testimonies, telling their stories in complete and open honesty, I started to relate to their pasts. I realized that I have been looking to fulfill my cravings in all the wrong places, for the wrong reasons. Anxiety, guilt, and stress have all marked my path toward seeking perfection, and I have tried to look like I have it all together on the outside for years. When in retrospect, I've been an utter mess on the inside. But God has done an incredible thing; He accepts us in spite of our flaws and makes beauty out of our brokenness. He might not answer all my prayers right away, but ultimately He is teaching letting me learn to have patience, another thing that I have been asking Him for.

Even though this year has been an up and down roller coaster of me losing and refinding myself, God has always had my best interest in mind. He's placed people in my life, at the exact moment I've needed them. Some relationships have suffered since I've been in college, I've learned to accept that distance is okay, but others have flourished and left me inspired to grow closer to the Lord. And as I've strayed many times to follow my own plan and go my own way, God has never once returned the favor. He is the father in the story of the prodigal son, the father that kept looking for his son even though he was a long way off.

Two truths I'm taking back from this weekend:

1. Sin isn't just breaking God's rules, it's when we make our cravings into ultimate things.
2. In Christ, the deepest longings of our soul will be satisfied.

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:10.

Take Heart

"He has made everything beautiful in its time."

Ecclesiastes 3:11a.

Added to the favorites list.

More details of this weekend will follow in an upcoming blog post...

and I cannot wait to share what Christ has been teaching me.

(Photos: 1. Future wedding dress? 2. Excerpt from Hillsong's Take Heart)

#darty #formalnight

Last weekend's formal, via photo recap.

Pre-formal Lazy Afternoon...

Might be cheesy, but we threw up the diamonds. We're freshman okay?

Shagging by the Old Well. Two things most definitely Carolina.

Big and I, what would I do without her?

Formal date for the evening!

Title post: top Twitter trends of the evening

A Mile a Minute

Please excuse my lack of blogging lately. I feel like I've been on-the-go non-stop for the past week. It's been a constant cycle of writing papers, studying until at least 2 am most nights, and a full load of rehearsals and meetings. Phew.

Now it's back to studying Mass Media in a Changing World...yippee?

(I'm slowly falling apart with all this lack of sleep. Scratch that. I AM falling apart with all this lack of sleep. Need this beach weekend to come fast!)

May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks you grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

View from the ADPi house

Taking a much needed study break (four midterms to prepare for, eek!)...complete with a glass of sweet tea and a rocking chair. Nothing could be finer.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Title post via Twitter

Bachelor Monday.

(Don't let the smile fool you. I am so not looking forward to the next two weeks of midterms and papers).

Back in the Thrill, after a relaxing weekend at home. It's good to be back honestly, I'm finally to the point where I don't like being away from Chapel Hill for long. But my work load is out the roof for the next week or two, and I apologize in advance for not blogging as often/my lack of creativity.

But anywho, in lieu of Mondays, I decided to make a list of five ways to make your Monday better:

1. Get up a little early to fix a healthy breakfast, spend time in God's word, and start your day on the right note. It makes a world of difference.
2. Grab a Coke Zero, cherry. No calories and it's a quick pick-me-up in the middle of the afternoon. Especially if you're like me and run on caffeine.
3. If it's a nice out, go for a quick 30 minute walk. Spending your whole day in the library is not a way to spend a Monday.
4. Watch your favorite show. Take a break from hitting the books and turn on say, the finale of the Bachelor tonight.
5. Plan out your week/month. Write down small tasks for each day so you're organized and prepared, not overwhelmed by how much you have to do that week.

Working Girl

Resumes? Already? I am a freshman in college, for heaven's sake.

I can already tell that for the rest of my life, I am going to dread filling out pages and pages of job applications and tweaking what I've done in my life into perfect prose (on an 8.5" x 11" piece of paper).

Yes, I want to get experience in retail. Yes, I want to continue lifeguarding. Yes, I want to work with people. But what I really want is to find something, anything related to my major. Is that so hard? There's actually an internship I'm applying for that sounds perfect for me, an unpaid position that could eventually turn into something more permanent in the future. From what I can tell, it's my dream stepping-stone-into-what-I-want-to-do-later-in-life job. I keep getting my hopes up, but I have to remind myself that God might have other plans. My meticulous, planned-out-to-the-t nature sometimes can frustrate the heck out of me. I feel like I'm constantly telling myself to calm down and just relax. I'm not Superwoman, I can't have everything my way and with a snap of my fingers, make everything magically fall into place.

So I'm letting it go. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever God has planned for this summer, it will turn out and be for my good.

"If everything is Yours, I'm letting it go, it was never mine to hold."

Everything Is Yours by Audrey Assad

Realizations

What I've learned over the past few days:

I like Modern Family, a lot. I'm terrible at Banana-grams, but I'll play it for hours anyway. Surprisingly I can cook a darn good breakfast, complete with eggs, bacon, and cinnamon rolls. Good news, I can still do a toe-touch. Charleston has become my favorite city, and I want to live/work there someday. If any girl wants to feel better about herself, all she needs to do is visit the Citadel. I so need more mornings like today's, I literally sat in pajamas until two o'clock in the afternoon and it was wonderful. I'm perfectly content with a chill spring break, with good friends, good food, and good conversation.

And I am so not ready to go back to reality tomorrow.

What I want is what I got, and what I need is all around me.

Spring Break 2011, you are much needed.

Although it's kind of frigid to lay outside today, I'm excited to spend time with good friends and have some time to just relax today. This break came at the exact right time of the semester, just when I felt so bogged down by midterms, schedules, and summer job applications.

This gorgeous sight we came across driving down yesterday...

Title post: Jimi Thing by Dave Matthews.

Things I'm loving, Thursday.

Just because.

TEN WAYS TO LOVE

1.Listen without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)
2.Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)
3.Give without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26)
4.Pray without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)
5.Answer without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)
6.Share without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)
7.Enjoy without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)
8.Trust without wavering. (Corinthians 13:7)
9.Forgive without punishing. (Colossians 3:13)
10.Promise without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)

Spring Has Sprung

March 1st, 2011.

Technically the first day of spring isn't until March 21, but personally, I declare spring the moment I can turn my February calendar to the month of March. Just the thought of green grass, daffodils, and warm sunshine makes my heart melt.

Even though I probably should be finishing up a paper and crossing off the rest of my to-do list for this week, I can't seem to get motivated. Not three days before spring break. I mean, come on. (And yes, I am in the library blogging. Thanks for asking. I'm mentally exhausted from reading about 30+ articles about health care in the United States.)

My encouragement for today:

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.

I will build you up again,

and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt.

Again you will take up your timbrels

and go out to dance with the joyful."

Jeremiah 31: 3-4.