11/29/10

Life can sure throw curveballs.

For some reason last night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night, my mind going on all sorts of tangents and trails. My phone rang around 7:50 this morning. It was my dad. My dear grandmother passed away around 5:45 this morning. We all knew the inevitable, that she was close to going home to her place in heaven. But I didn't think today would have been the day.

I'll admit. Yesterday I was incredibly selfish. My cousin called my mom, asking her to drive to Maryland since my Mommom was really not doing well. They just moved her into a nursing home last week, and her poor little heart was failing. But I wanted my mom to stay, so we could have one final relaxing day of Thanksgiving break, and so she could help me settle back in at school. I didn't want her to go. But now I can only be thankful that she went, that she was there, resting next to Mommom all night. It's difficult losing such a sweet grandmother, I can't imagine what it's like to lose a mother.

I have to keep reminding myself that she's in a better place. I can't think about losing her here on this earth. She was my only grandmother left, and she will forever hold a special place in my heart. I'll aspire to share her strong-willed spirit and cherish the memories we had. I'll remember her preciseness about her clothes and how she fixed every meal when we visited; I'll remember reading her letters to Poppop during the war. She won't be sitting on the front row of my wedding or be able to hold my children, but she will be present, watching us from above. She'll be with Jesus and that's what matters.