Mornings

Oh how I love you.

Mornings are my favorite time of day for a couple of reasons. First, I have time to myself before everyone else wakes up to just enjoy the quietness. Second, I can really focus on what God is telling me that day. If I wake up late, I'm usually completely out of sorts.

This morning, I re-read my journal from last night. After talking to my mom for about an hour yesterday, she told me something that I often forget. God will never give you anything more than you can handle. I can become so consumed in trivial matters that have no eternal importance. Take yesterday for instance, class registration. I was freaking out for not getting the classes I wanted, thinking that if I didn't get them, I couldn't study abroad next spring or I would get behind in the J School. But seriously, everyone is in the same boat. God has put me here at this public university for a reason. He has a plan for my life, and it's okay if I don't know what it is yet.

Over the past couple days, I've admired my mom's diligence in focusing on God's faithfulness. We have talked a lot about visiting and reconnecting with someone in our past, and we're both uneasy and nervous about going. But even though things may seem overwhelming at the moment, God has something bigger and greater in mind.

crave.

crave: hunger, desire earnestly, seek fervently

As the theme of Campus Crusade's WBR in Wilmington, the word crave has probably summed up the focus of my thoughts and energy for quite a long time.

Here's my list of some past, and current, cravings...

Patience. Meaningful friendships. A solid, godly relationship with a mature guy. Direction. Perfection. A "place" at Carolina. The next step. The ability to stick up for myself. Pursuit of the Lord on a daily basis. Joy. Hope. Wisdom. Community. And most recently, peace and contentment.

Most of these cravings are not sinful in themselves, for God has innately given each of us desires meant for His glory. But problems arise when we become consumed with our cravings, making them turn into idols. I haven't thought about my cravings in this way before, especially since the majority my cravings are inherently good things.

This weekend, I attended two small break-out sessions, one devoted to the balance of friendships and the other about the search for peace. As the seniors shared their testimonies, telling their stories in complete and open honesty, I started to relate to their pasts. I realized that I have been looking to fulfill my cravings in all the wrong places, for the wrong reasons. Anxiety, guilt, and stress have all marked my path toward seeking perfection, and I have tried to look like I have it all together on the outside for years. When in retrospect, I've been an utter mess on the inside. But God has done an incredible thing; He accepts us in spite of our flaws and makes beauty out of our brokenness. He might not answer all my prayers right away, but ultimately He is teaching letting me learn to have patience, another thing that I have been asking Him for.

Even though this year has been an up and down roller coaster of me losing and refinding myself, God has always had my best interest in mind. He's placed people in my life, at the exact moment I've needed them. Some relationships have suffered since I've been in college, I've learned to accept that distance is okay, but others have flourished and left me inspired to grow closer to the Lord. And as I've strayed many times to follow my own plan and go my own way, God has never once returned the favor. He is the father in the story of the prodigal son, the father that kept looking for his son even though he was a long way off.

Two truths I'm taking back from this weekend:

1. Sin isn't just breaking God's rules, it's when we make our cravings into ultimate things.
2. In Christ, the deepest longings of our soul will be satisfied.

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:10.

Being Perfect

A devotional that showed up in my email today. It was too good not to post, so here you go.

By Rachel Olsen

"Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God." Romans 8:5-6 (MSG)

Devotion:

There's a moment I dread when going to the doctor for a check-up. It's not putting on that tissue paper rectangle they mistakenly call a "gown." It's not having my finger pricked for blood tests - though I'm really squeamish about that. It's the moment right after the nurse finishes her questions, grabs her clip board, and announces the doctor will be in to see me shortly. Pulling the door closed behind her, she leaves me alone with it.

I already know what it's going to say about me; I've read it before. It's going to say that I don't measure up. That I'm not reaching my potential. That I don't equal my ideal. It's the height/weight chart that declares the perfect weight for my height - and I'm several pounds away.

It extends no mercy. It offers no grace. It makes no allowances for how old I am, how many babies I've birthed, or the fact that my husband can eat three plates of food every night without gaining an ounce. It demands perfection.

A few years ago I heard a verse that seemed to be the scriptural equivalent of the height/weight chart. A single verse to measure my worth against, and feed my expectations for perfection: "But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt 5:48, NIV)

I figured this verse justified dressing my family in matching sweaters, in the middle of July, to take the Christmas card photo because I'd just gotten the perfect haircut. I figured it warranted pricey tooth whitening treatments because I drink coffee and tea, and it shows. And I figured it would be my defense when I drove my family nuts about deep-cleaning the entire house because my new friend said she might stop by.

While the verse came in handy when I needed to justify my quest for perfect teeth, perfect photos or a perfectly clean house, it added to my disappointment, guilt and occasional loathing when my life, body or family didn't match the ideal notions in my head. Rather than fostering perfection, it fueled my self-criticism. Surely this is not what Jesus intended!

In the years since hearing that verse, I've embraced a core conviction that goes like this: If God created life, He alone gets to define it. This conviction drove me to find out what exactly Jesus meant by "be perfect."

Matthew wrote this verse. And the word he used in the ancient Greek language means something a little different than Mr. Webster's English definition. The Greek word here is teleos and it means "complete, full grown, developing."

The first two pieces of that definition indicate something already accomplished, while the third indicates an ongoing process. So this perfection Jesus prescribes for us is already complete and yet still developing. Complete in Him; still at work in us. We're allowed to be a work-in-progress!

All parts of this definition, however, refer to maturity of character, rather than a flawless figure, immaculate home, or the faultless execution of a task. Jesus just doesn't care so much if there's dust on our mantle, a stain on our teeth, or a scratch on our car. He isn't interested in how well our bedspread matches our curtains; He's interested in our spiritual maturity. Jesus teaches I will not find my worth in my ability to reach my perfect weight or accomplish my to-do list flawlessly, but in the fact that I am learning to reflect His character. To graciously give and receive love.

That's good news for a recovering perfectionist. Plus, as John writes in 1 John 3:18-19 of The Message: "My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it."

Dear Lord, thank You for grace! Thank You for mercy! Thank You for empowering me to be like You as I submit to Your Word. And thank You for not caring about dust bunnies or stained shirts. Help me to care less about those things as well and focus my heart more on You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Application Steps:

Spend time reading through the gospels, noticing what concerned Jesus and what did not.

Reflections:

What surface-level thing(s) have you been worrying over lately?

If it's not about your character, let it go as imperfect and rest in God's grace today.

Power Verses:

Phil 3: 8-9, "More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith," (NASB)